Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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