Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
