...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
