I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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