you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize