You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
