my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
