You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
