Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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