i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
