you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
