Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
