1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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