Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
