Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
