my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Too much gin, very little bucket
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
