going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
