I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
