If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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