Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
