tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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