highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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