Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
