we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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