I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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