I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
