so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
