I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
