saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
