And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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