Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
