why didn't you poke me back
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
