During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
