I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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