he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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