we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize