he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
