that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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