Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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