mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
