Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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