and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
