when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
