I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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