I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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