Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
