How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I want her autograph on my taint
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
