I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
