Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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