I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
