Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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