she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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