I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You ruined the universe
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
