i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
