I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize