wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
