Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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