My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
