Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
