At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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