I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
