i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
