I just threw up on my dentist
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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