Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
