After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize