Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
