These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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