I wish I could teleport
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
