i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
