the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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