White coat. Heels.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
