Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
