found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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