Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
