I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
