I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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