Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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