Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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