i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
