do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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