Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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