Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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