I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You dont lie about slip and slides
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
