i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize