I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
