I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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