He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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