how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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