Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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