Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize