I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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