what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
