Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
