That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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