omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize