I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
