she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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