do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
