I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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