I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
