Plan B is the new Plan A
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
