I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Randomize
