I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
